Ja, jeg burde stole på deg, men du har sagt så mye kødd, at jeg vet ikke hva du mener og ikke mener.. eller om du mener det du sier du ikke mener. Jeg er basicly veldig forvirra, men hey? Er det så rart? Jeg tåler ikke sånne ting, enten sier folk det de mener, eller så holder de kjeft..
Jeg sov hos Sara i natt, sammen med Helene, det var toselig <3 Sara lagde kjøttkake til meg :3 I dag gikk vi til byen og hang før jeg dro hjem igjen for å pakke osv, me is going to dadii :3 Han har basseng. Så Helene, Sara og Therese skal bade med meg, Therese er forresten verdens søteste lille emodott :3 Jeg har verdens søteste venner!!
Men jeg er nervøøs.. For i morgen er det lørdag, og på en lørdag i et annet fylke rett over fjorden så få noen besøk, og jeg er redd den noen liker det besøket selv om den noen egentlig ikke skulle treffe besøket fordi besøket liker noen, men den noen sa at vedkommende ikke likte besøket, og da blir jeg redd for at den noen skal like og møte besøket alikevel, fordi jeg er glad i den noen... bleh.. Jeg liker ikke sånne ting.. Jeg tror jeg trenger den noen..
So, lot of facts have came up now lately, we all know that. Helly and Fredrik broke up lately, after went Thessa and Fryd, then Gundi og Lini. Lots of break ups, and we all know which direction I am going.. What happened, and why, I'm not gonna sit here at my blog and explane anything, it'd be kinda rude to the persons it involves, which is me, and another one. Who basicly know who he is.. Well case is the new event gave me a seducive feeling of freedom, it's the best thing I've ever done for myself (Sorry) But truth is, I feel free.
I also came to a renewing point of trust yesterday. It has to do with a phonecall including words spoken to me from lips of truth, Sara knows all about that for your curiousity Helene, since the conversation took place in Saras room.
I have also had a vacation week with my mother in oslo, which reminded me of all the sacrifaces we kids do at all time when it comes to our parents. It's a rare experience for me, who're surrounded by so many guards and so many siblings.. After all I had a great time, I bought japanese soda for Helly and pocky for me. I'm saving up to a cosplay and the corset on DC.
Our friends.. Oh, it's all so fucked up, I mean it.. Seriously.. It's FUCKED I noticed now lately.. And I'm taking distance, sorry, but I am. M are going for T.. It's obvious.. I know H* well enough to say.. F is going for S, I know H* well to.. And they should just back of BOTH of them, since T likes someone alse and S is fragile... Well anyway, my head is pretty mixed up theese days, and I need someone around me, but the luggage containing with theese people, who's a person I don't need to see just now.. it pushes me away..
Oh I miss you so bad honey. Come back to dear Halden, please.. <3 I so hoped things would settle out for you this time, but again things fell to pieces, didn't they? It feels bad to be so concrete and write it so litterarly. But my life feels so empty without you, I feel even more empty now that I don't get my daily dose of you.. I love hanging around with you, singing songs we both can, share my music with you, kiss you, hug you let you cry on me, cry on you, Sara, my Dear. You are the best friend it's even possible to have, and all we've been through together just pull me closer to you, even though we argued at some point, and you called me a whore, I called you ugly.. Whatever, deep inside, I was thinking, oh god, I miss her. Just like i Do now, and I can't wait.. to see you.
Every night I lay awake
Waiting for you call.
And when you call
your voice so sweet
The way you do my heart
The noices
and the words you say
They keep me happy
Looking forward
till the day we meet again.
After you hung up on me
layed your head to sleep
I think of you
Imagine it all
The day when we meet again
first then I can fall asleep
And smile till I wake up
so untill your arms surround me
Imagining will keep me alive
While I'm longing for your smile.
There are two moods ruling my heart today, the one is sadness, the other is happieness. Some anger are infiltraded in it all still.. I can't find the rest I need for my heart to remain unspoken. I talk to it every day, but the unbalance makes it unpossible for me to agree with it. And it has to understand it has to wait, before it goes overtempered. Yesterday was joy, the words that were spoken late at night and the whisper of the voice in my ear was so sweet I could bring it home in my thoughts. And now I know I have someone there for me.. No matter what happends to me. "If crises is upon you, Just call, I'm coming for you"
I don't know. Like seriously, I just don't know. Yes I'm in love, I really am, I do care, but where are we going at? I just don't know, understand or realize how things could get so awfully wrong. It's like what the fuck. Everything is difficult right now. My dad, my mum, my unexisting brother, my livingsituation, my lovelife. The way I don't speak to anyone anymore because I'm afraid to push them away.. I just.. snap.. seriously.. snap.. so ye. Idk. Maby it's best this way.. call me a coward
