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søndag

Skulle vært publisert før menneh..


I følge kortene mine tenker jeg veldig mye fortiden, jeg får hjelp til å legge fortiden bak meg og jeg skal klare meg økonomisk, jeg skal få en ny start og det skal være positivt karriere messig. Ting vil løse seg til slutt tydeligvis. I forhold til Michael har jeg vært veldig mye i mine egne tanker i det siste og det har vært vanskelig for meg å være i et forhold fordi jeg har vært så mye i mitt eget hode, det har løst seg nå og veien ligger åpen for meg, men i følge kortene skal vi ha en krangel eller en konfrontasjon, uenighet and eller noe i nærmeste fremtid og det må arbeides med i åpenhet om det skal løse seg for oss, Michael skal tydeligvis få orden på økonomien sin og det vil komme noe godt ut av krangelen til slutt… Det er hva kortene mine sier, i alle fall.

Det stemmer jo veldig bra på en måte:

1. jeg HAR vært mye i mine egne tanker i det siste ang. faren min, mamma, rettsaken, storebroren min som sliter og ikke minst det med Robin, som har gjort det vanskelig for meg å starte på noe nytt, men jeg føler faktisk at jeg er ganske ferdig med sistnevnte, jeg sliter fremdeles med å forholde meg til ham når jeg møter ham men det kan være så.
2. En ny start i forhold til karriere kan være at jeg kommer inn på Media og kommunikasjon, hvilket jeg håper på, eller så ligger det vel noe annet på lur der, det virker positivt, så jaja.
3. Jeg får hjelp til å legge fortiden bak meg. Jeg hadde min første psykologtime forrige uke, og har en ny neste uke, så ja vel da er det vel meningen jeg skal få ordentlig hjelp. Kortene mine har bablet om det siden det første legget mitt.

Fremtiden angående Michael skremmer meg litt (og nei det er ikke tvil om at det gjelder ham) Jeg spurte direkte. Jeg har ikke lyst til å ha noen krangel, jeg hater å krangle. Jeg syns det er unødvendig, men det er jo ikke sikkert krangelen er så stor at det gjør noe, den skal visst være avgjørende for et eller annet….

Sånn over til noe annet så hadde jeg en kjempesøt dag i dag. Jeg har tilbragt den med alle menneskene jeg er glad i. Sara, Helene, Michael, Petter og Alex. Vi tok bilder, de ble kjempefine, men PCn min vil ikke ha dem, selv om jeg fant kamerakabelen og alt -.- Jeg får legge dem inn hos Sara eller noe i stedet. Etter vi hadde tatt bilder så hang vi rundt, Michael dro på trening, vi geeket nettby, Helene spillte wow, alt er ganske normalt med andre ord. Sara forsvant plutselig etter jeg hadde vært på ICA. Vi fant ut at hun dro hjem. Det var litt synd for da gikk hun glipp av pizza og singstar oppe hos Michael etter han var ferdig på trening. Det var gøy, og jeg sminket Petter, men han blunket så mye at jeg bommet masse :/ Helene hadde bursdag på Onsdag, yay Helene! Hun skal få gave :D jeg må bare finne ut hva først… Hun ønsker seg bare penger, men det får jo jeg seff ikke lov til å gi -.-

I dag skal jeg ha Norsktime fra klokken to til kvart på tre Så skal jeg på hjemigjen -.- Hva jeg skal resten av dagen aner jeg ikke, første mann bestemmer, resten får bare følge på :D

Ukas eventer:

- Henge med folk jeg er glad i
- Helenes bursdag på onsdag
- Bildetagning
- Sandra slapp ut av lukka
- Ida havnet i Moss (we knows why)

And I use to say, This is a social scene anyway


The last few days has just passed by. My breakdown, doctorvisit in the middle of the night, my worried friends and boyfriend and the instituzion doing everything to get me under controll. Yeah, The wolf is playing good girl now, can you believe it? I come home to 10, I deliver my computer, I take my pills, sleep at night, wake up in the morning, go to school and meet them every second hour when I'm out if the house. It won't last for long though, hello, you know me.
I got issues. I'm too childish immature, get me? I'm not adult enough. I'm not wild enough either, I have too big selfrespect, I laugh at the wrong things, I like the wrong things, I just never feel right.

Yesterday I had the greatest day with Sara, just me and her all day, laughing, hangin at the mall, dinner, icecream and the movies. She bought me the cutest sunglasses and the cutest dolphinneclace I've ever seen, I love this girl way too much.

lørdag

If he kills himself for you


It's comed to that point in life, where I see someone suffer. When I said Sara came before everyone, I lied. There's one person, so way much more important than her. She could never stand up to him. It've come that far that he's in big trouble, really deep shit. And my heart ace to see his pain. I try all I can to help him, all the money in the world, if I so have to lend them to help him, I'll do it. I don't care if people beat me up because they won't get their money, I'll do it, I'll do it all.. Just for him to get his brand of heroin. So I dare you lady.. If he suicide for you, I'll
make sure you go right after him

http://www.slide.com/r/Lowj3kPz5z_S819m96zo4phPjgKLl2IX?previous_view=mscd_embedded_url&view=original

welcome to life


The day today has been a celebration of my one year in Halden.. In 8 minutes I arrived Jibbe, a year ago.. At the stroke of 3am... It feels so awkward. i've learned so much, lost so much, been given so much more, and now I stand here, stronger than ever, with good friends, the worlds best fosterparents and the best relation I've ever had to my mother. Life's just great.

Today Michael and Sara spent the day with me here at Runes place. We ate chicken and beef, watched horrormovies and just.., had fun.. Michael and Sara gave me gifts.. A heart pillow, a red rose and a beautiful card. I love them more than aything and I couldn't think of a better way to have a celebration.. I have a new date of mark in my calender. All because I'm so happy I'm here.
Thank you for making my life worth living.

My life


This is my life set in perspective:
I got a mother, a brother and a grandfather 60 miles away. I got a fostermother and a fosterfather, right across town. I got an aunt and an uncle a hour away, and alot of family in a nearby town. I got a bestfriend called Sara, and other close friends called other things. I got a boyfriend, who's the best friend of my x boyfriend, who is dating a 22 year old at 19 and has all my friends regulary in his apartment. I get recognized wherever I go, and I say hey to people I don't even remember. I meet news people every each day, and I like sosialating. Normally I hang at a house of rock, where I say hi to everyone I hold dear. This is way much more than i had a year ago.. way damn much.. tommorrow I've lived a year of my life. Cous my life, started a year ago.

Thanks for life, thanks for living with me, and thanks for loving me

søndag

My weirdo weekend


Yeah. I sit here, it's night to monday.. It's 03.45 am what the hell can you do? My mum is sleeping on the other side of the couch.. she've laid still for a while now.. On tv a old western movie is running.. I can feel that I'm hungy.. The last days events have made me stronger, in some kinda way. I haven't written since things went crazy. Well My mum arrived on friday at 02.45 pm. We walked around in toen for a while, had pizza at peppes and walked more around. After that we booked the couch and watched movies till we fell alseep. Saturday morning we woke up at 8 pm. we made ourself ready for going to oslo.. we were hittin for the bus when mum figured she'd forgotten her cellphone, so we had to go back. we stopped like every 3rd meter to check if the bus came, cous she were unsure if the bus WAS coming, or if it came 30 min later. when we were 3 meters from the house, we heard the bus comin by. She could've runned back to get her cell and still catched the bus, but she didn't, so we ordered a taxi. We got down to the trainstation at 9.30 pm and we drove behind the bus from the city bridge. Then it was made clear the train who was supposed to go at 9 pm were late, so we catched the train at once. we would never have reached it if we took the bus, because of the walking.

Well anyway, when we got to Oslo, mum to me shopping at bodymap, whatever I wanted.. So I got Hellbunny hotpants, rainbow eyelashes, new gloves, pink and blackstriped and a mercy skirt. Afterwords we went to shopgirl and she got me a emily the strange cateared hoody.. it's awsome. We also went to the bookstore and I got the pablo cochellos veronica wanna die, can't wait starting on it.. and I got new tarot cards, since the old ones are so frizzy (yes I do tarot)

After shopping spree in 5 hours mum's friend showed up.. Let's just call her sprocket. The two of'em went crazy with the starinlight at peppes pizza, shaping it like a man with a penis -.- they even made him a undersee mirror.. I laughed myself dead... Sprocket started singing " gøy på landet" all the way from Oslo S to her place. (10 min with bus including waiting for 14 min) That's when they really freaked out.. there were bad ass jokes, redicilous songs, fucked up dances and you name it. They kept it going till 2.30 pm.. then they took a cigarett and went to bed.. I was too buissy exploring and getting to know my new tarotcards (it takes time to know them and their meanings by heart)

Today (sunday) we had a late start, just relaxing till 5 am then we went to Oslo to eat. I watched disneyfilms on disneychannel in the childsarea, I got a baloon and alot of laughs.. After we ate, we were planning on going home, mum got the traintickets and I found it hysterically funny to electrisitate Sprockets hair with my baloon.. she played with my cat ears. Then things were of again.. My mum decided Sprocket has viagra hair, sprocket figured her whole name was Sprocket Fragle Plassen and I figured my mum is crazy. Then we got back on to the train heading for Halden. I and my mum talked all the way, exept from the few minutes I was calling Michael, I'll be bloggin about that after this one. I had a great time with my mum this weekend.