Too Tired

On friday, I were drunk. That weren't really the plan, I was just supposed to give Sara some extra attention because her birthday is when I'm in Denmark, but drunk it was. xD I remember Jon carrieing me half the way from Robin to town because I was tripping and laughing all the way and he was scared I would fall. Hurray for my friends who look after me, I'm so lucky that way, I've allways done the drinking thing the right way. First time I tasted, Second time wasted, but with good friends at someones house, third time pretty drunk but not wasted with good friends and drinking games, and fourth time smalldrinking in town, home to a friend drinking to get drunk and with lot of company back down to the city.

Well now yesterday I was just relaxing all day, untill evening where I went bathing on kruseter with Richard. After that we were to pick up Cathrin in town and I decided (unthoughtable) to run for her in bikini and a jacket -.-" Where the hell the idea came from, I have no Idea! But there was no regreath halfways there xD So I ran passed all my friend in a bikini, omg. After that I went back down to look after Sara, because we all know how it sometimes end for her and I were pretty worried actually, I just want that girl all good. On the way home, first thing was these two guys sitting in the park. They followed us all the way to Os screaming "girls, wait up" and such.. and yea, a 30year old tried to check me up. But anyway those two guys scared the crap outta us.

A social disturbed matter

Yeh, It's this day again, people comes from al over to talk about me, the freaking meetings... I hate them. Now they talk about moving. What the hell? I don't wanna leave halden for anything, just because I needed some time of? I bet I'll start crying as last time, and the time before and the time before.. My mum is here, we're gonna have Ice Cream later today, and we may go to the cinema, but honestly, it's too hot. I miss my Shipper. I can't speak to that yellow thing now that my mother is here, it's allmost like she's jalous. Haha. I don't know, I just wanna freak out and go bbqing with the raindeers. >__>

Memories

Leave me here
Kick me down
Walk out of there
with flowers all around
And let me fear
While i drown
Because you're too great for me

Let me hope
Let me live
As you are my secret dope
keep me alive
While i dive
In to the sea of darkness
well never the less
I keep the memories
I'll just keep my memories

In this world
we could be one
If I didn't believe
In telling the truth
Maby it'd be better whithout me
I don't wanna stand in your way
keep me away
sail today
Leave me behind..

Let me hope
Let me love
As you become my named dope
Keep me alive
As we dive
In to the sea of colours
well anyway
I'll keep the memories
I'll just keep our memories

Tell me now
And don't doubt
Are you staying by my side
or should I go
On my own
To find the path of lonlieness
I know
Never forget
Just never forget me

Because even though we're over
and even though we never started
Listen up, to my words as they fly
You were my love at first sight
And I could never replace you
And even though I try
I am stuck
With the thought
The thought of you

Let us hope
Let it be
As my dope drifts away
Keeping me alive
As they dive
In to the sea of paralyze
well anyway
I'll keep the memories
I'll just keep some memories

May I hold you.... and then fuck it up.

Yeh I fucked up, by telling him one of my deepest secrest he snapped and I don't know where I have him anymore.. Well does it matter? He's atleast speaking to me, I shuld be happy just for that, still though this heavy feeling won't lift from my heart in a while.. I'jj just soak it away in coke and cigarettes.

The conclution of my tiredness.

I sleep bad theese days... evry second night or third. It's to grow old of. I feel exausted all the time and I just can't stand the thought of beeing in activity, I have no lust for food and eat 0-2 times a day. No wonder I'm loosing weight. Atleast I look good naked xD Haha. Now anyway, Sara came over here today, after our little midnight walk yesterday I were'nt allowed to go anywhere, so she came by and we took some pictures and such, I stole flowers, muhahaha!!!!! And then I jumped on'em. After that my unsureness was concluded, sweet and refreshing at first and at last the same old tiering habit. You know where I'm going with this? All I can say is M.
I'm loosing it.

When the power on the mall dissapears

Today I slept a long time, till 11 pm actually.. Then I sat by the computer and watched tv, and just chating... after that I went to sarpsborg with Øyvind, we went to the stopp center, then to borg amfi and atlast to chin chen the thai resturante. after that we dropped by the last mall storbyen and went home. we discussed politics and schoolsystems, music and such, it was really kozy. Now I'm watching a movie with my littlebrother and afterwords Sara comes along :) Happy saturday

To meet something yellow in Oslo

Yesterday was trip to Oslo with my class. And most important with Helene. we came to school at 07.30 and it were soaking wet, rained away and grey. My umbrella sure came handy, believe me, my hair would be dead without it. Well anyway I did Helenes hair at the schoolbathroom and we went for the bus. We got a red londonish doubledecker witch was kinda awsome. I sat on the second floor secondfront beside Helly. She played her tamagotchi and ate chocolat on bread and then potatosalad with butter, she hated the butter xD

So she ate another one for comfort xD lol Idiot... Claire sat in front of us halfly sleeping listening to music and me and Helly took badass weirdo pictures togeher xD haha. When we finally arrived it was still raining and we went to the Much museum. It was rather facinating to see his creations and way of life. I saw him as a psychadelical social nolifer who couldn't express his caotic and confused feelings with words, he seemed kind of, I don't know, emo? So then you might understand it was quite facinating. Especially Madonna, the printed pictures he made after the original, that was extremly facinating. After that we went straight to the museum/home/graveplace of wiegeland. He was an great artist making sculptures of the human body, often naked, but he also made portrets and statues for private people.
Well we didn't get to go to the park, because it was raining yet and we'd be wet like soaked cats so they drove directly to town and let us of in Oslo to do whatever we wanted ;D

SO the biggest event for me was meeting Ju, the vietboy I've been talking about since, Idk, march? Who I found so interresting I just had to meet him, fuckin random, asking me. Also I found out Neo Tokyo are moved to Arakaden, the shopping center, witch is great since I couldn't find it before, lol. So I and Helly walked arund on Bodymap when he finally showed up outside the entrance and I recogniced him, and gave him a hug, he even tried lifting me (witch failed) and then he dissapeard again. So again he showed up outside Neo when we were there, where I BTW! Tried the cutest schoolgirl outfit ever <3 And we walked with him and his friends to Oslo S, he didn't say a word, almost and he kept on to that on Oslo S so we decided to leave, when we lost the sight of him, to outland to look at anime books. Then he called me and wanted me to meet him again, so I told him to go to outland. THEN he was talking, holding his arm around me and speaking the same bullshit as he allways do, lol... We had to go shopping with them and I teased him for using more time in a shop than a girl would do xD LOL! He followed me allmost all the way to the bus when I had to leave, with abit of complaning though, haha he's lazy xD Then he kissed me bye n my forhead and hugged me, so I kissed him back on the cheeck and left =)

A list of memories

While this world is falling appart before me.
So am I.
Theese waters are no longer blue
Marked by death.
Theese eyes can no longer see cleearly
sweeped by dust.
This heart can no longer beat streight
claimed by jalousy.
Then what do I stand left with?
my seaking mind and intelligence
Oh no.
It's weakend by the dark of the heart

My words doesn't even count in this battle
But for some reason, i've become deacent
in some ways atleast.
I've found out that only badgirls hang at the mall
Only drugaddicts run the streets at night
Only hoes drink in publick after 12 am underage.

And then you gor me...
Running the streets at night
Not for drugs or alcohol but for freedom
Because when are a human more free than when everyone alse are asleep?

Floating..

Har du noengang hatt følelsen av å bare flyte
besvisstløs, tankeløs og problemfri
den følelsen som kommer til deg når du sover
tung, uendelig og fredfull søvn
Omsluttet av et bløtt blågrønt teppe
Av et menneskelaget klorhav
røde tøybiter og naken hud.

Det er slik jeg føler det, hver gang jeg kommer i kontakt med vann.. Jeg kan stå i timesvis i dusjen med hodet lent bakover mot vannstrålen.. jeg kan ligge i badekaret i timesvis.. bade i kalde tjern og ligge på bunnen av et basseng så lenge jeg ikke trenger luft.. helt tankeløs..

KLAGE!

Kanskje er det jeg som er født rebel eller ikke klarer å være snill, kanskje er jeg kontrollfrik eller.. hva faen, i helvete jeg vet ikke jeg.. det eneste jeg vet er at jeg ikke det.. Nå skal jeg ikke være som alle andre og urimelig gjøre det slik at ingen tar meg serriøst ved å avfyre en real salve om hvor udregelige de er for det ville vel ikke gjøre meg noe bedre enn alle andre. Mh. Min mor er dypt skuffet over meg etter gjentatte røminger fra hovedhuset, men hadde hun sett dem hadde hun forstått at det er ulevelig her, jeg kan ikke gå rundt med et minikamera på meg 24/7 heller, det sier seg vel saktens selv. Men med denne plutselige "iherdigheten" etter å bry seg om meg tar nesten livet av meg, jeg har mest lyst til å ta bena fatt og gå til et ukjent land. Uheldigvis er sjansen for prostitusjon og kidnapping i dagens samfunn for stor til at jeg tørr. For dem som ikke skjønte det var sistnevnte en spøk. Men for å understreke mine meninger har jeg tenkt til å fortsette å være et trassig lite barn som uteblir fra ets hjem. Bare synd for dem at jeg er smartere enn dem.

Jeg har mitt eget skall

I det siste har jeg levd i min egen verden, en liten boks jeg kaller for fristed, den involverer ingen andre mennesker enn meg selv. Jeg ga slipp i helgen.. Jeg har vært ute og lekt hjemme og med Michael.. strandvolleyball, basket, is og strandtur.. gøy gøy gøy.. og i går var jeg i barnehageland og lekte modell med helene... jeg elsker å leke modell for helene, hun gjør det så gøy.. Jeg er glad i deg Helene <3